I Don't Know What I Am Anymore, But I'm Here

The internship is finished. FINALLY, I can COMPLAIN. My physical reaction to this schedule is something I've completely had to ignore in order to keep going. But two months of nonstop travel and six hours of sleep per night put me in complete fight-or-flight mode: insomnia, weight loss, vertigo, indigestion, constant stomach pain, gall bladder issues, the spontaneous loss of a toenail, and I STILL can't eat without feeling nauseated for half an hour afterward, but it's only been just over a week and I went to Halifax for the weekend. The sudden relaxation, of course, left my immune system confused enough for a head cold to walk right in and make itself at home.

But can I say, I still loved the work I was doing: totes worth it.

Now, I've got the quilting studio completely converted into an office, and I've started to get serious about this project report.

The experiences of the last... year? Four years? Month? Doesn't matter: they've left me totally broken open. And that's ok. I think it was time to realize that things happen and they're going to have their effect whether you're prepared, protected, vulnerable, alone, on the front lines, or elsewhere.

So yeah, Halifax. Well above, you see a visit from my spirit animal, lovingly posed in the Public Gardens.

And a pretty little scene that's only slightly ruined by the editor in me pointing out that Hey, this isn't Point Pleasant...

The harbour, ocean-side. Just a bunch of condos and fancy boats, I know. I hug it anyway.

Head cold remedies: whiskey punch at the Old Triangle.

And the CUTEST LITTLE GUY!

What did we miss last week? Oh yes, turns out MomBlom's got some Scotch Bonnets growing in the garden, so I'm going to figure out how to make enough hot sauce to keep us warm all winter.

Commuter's Weekend: Bloomsday Edition

Welp, this is my life these days. My me time. The time for reading books and writing theses. More the former than the latter, but I guess if books are what I do... it's all research really.

But at home, it's Father's Day and Bloomsday. Very recently I lost my grandfather, my mother's father, which I meant to post about first and completely forgot, but I suppose this is more timely. Anyhoops, MomBlom and I decided to spend the day together, in honour of both our fathers. We tried to think of something that they would both enjoy, but apparently all they really did together was work on a pig farm, with my Grandfather's quiet stoicism and my father's ensuing feelings of inadequacy (a city boy, you see). Consequently, we just decided to go out for lunch (and a Guinness), watch some Sherlock, and finish the evening off with some Irish Whiskey.

In other news, remember how I only had three peonies last year? No? Well I don't really feel like linking to that entry, so all you have to know is that there were only three flowers on the shrub, but I learned that if you cut the blooms off on the first year, you'll have a lot more the next. Well turns out that's true! These are just the six biggest as of today:

in the same vase in the same place! But I won't leave them out in the sun like last year because a) they wilted in an hour and b) there isn't any sun.

Oh my god, what is going ON back there? Well that's MomBlom's fantastic new garden in the works. Here she is plotting exactly where the vegetables and herbs are going to go. Immediately after a little gust of wind!

Oh yeah hey, remember that whole thing about Peonies and ants? True:

Apparently they like the sweet coating on the unopened buds, and may help to weaken the structure such that it's easier for the flowers to open quickly, but there's nothing to say that the flowers can't open without the ants, or that the ants pollenate the plant, so it's not really symbiosis. It's just something cool that happens. Also, a brief dunk in the pond rids any cut blossoms of their ants and does no harm to the blooms either!

Other things about the back yard: I'm in charge of the pond this year! Which of course means no goldfish, and the lilies are totally taking over again. But there's a pretty flower about to come out so I don't have the heart to choke them out with, say, water hyacinths.

Lots in the works for the garden, and while I'm sad to miss it during the week, it's really nice to see such progress on the weekends. Next up: these plants have to go somewhere...

Apologies/Announcement

I've been trying to get on top of things, but things keep happening. I'm currently typing through the bleary fog of exhaustion that's been clouding my judgment for the last two weeks. Why? Oh I haven't even TOLD you yet!

I think we'd left off at the fact that I didn't have an internship anymore, and I didn't want to talk about it. Well, it was a no-hard-feelings kind of situation, and I wasn't in a huge rush to muddle about at a government-run company that had never had an intern, and especially not in a city that is notoriously short on publishing companies. Plus, still being enrolled in the Ryerson certificate program for publishing meant that I was being sent a huge number of employment and internship opportunities nearly every day. So I figured it wouldn't be too difficult to find a replacement position; my biggest concern was preserving the six-week holiday I'd set up for myself. Fortunately, I was called in for an interview with HarperCollins Canada nearly immediately.

It was my first opportunity to use my newly designed resume and a nicely fattened portfolio, which I put together with the most ancient binding machine imaginable:

I guess it payed off though; I was offered the position pretty quickly too. One of the small projects I was to work on was binding special sales catalogues. When being shown the ropes for it, an identical binding machine was pointed out, and I was asked if I had ever used one of these before. I just laughed. I'm in the right place.

So yeah, thanks to new carpets and a paint job in the offices, my start date wasn't set until May 27th, meaning I got my six weeks vacation. I spent most of it making paper flowers, some of it at Erin's wedding, much more watching Kids in the Hall until my brains turned to mush.

So where was I? Oh yeah! The fog of exhaustion. Well, I'm still living here in Waterloo. I'm hoping to get a permanent position in the industry come September, but it may not happen, and I've been moving so much that I don't want to move AGAIN for potentially only three months. Once I get at least a year-long contract, then I'll move.

But the commute? Oh man. I get up at 5:00 am, am on the train at 5:45, arrive in Toronto at 7:53, am at my desk by 8:20, leave at 5:00 pm, catch the train at 5:45, arrive at 7:42 (but it's always late), and get home by 8:20. It's... it's do-able. But this exhaustion-fog is quite... pervasive. In fact, if anything distracts me from lying down and taking a nap right now, I think I'll just cry.

Speaking of, I think that's all I have energy for. Those six weeks gave me material for a whole summer's worth of blog posts though, so worry not. I'll be back.

The Tallest Lasagna and the Things I Left Behind

I got busy, and I'm sorry. For the first two weeks of April, most of my time was spent thinking about how to eat the lasagna left over from Easter. I used the Fine Cooking recipe, but I'm pretty sure you need a membership of some kind to access it so I'm not going to provide a link even though that's probably the polite thing to do. Oh fine you can find the recipe here. It's supposed to make three small lasagnas, but I only had one deep dish on hand, so I halved the recipe and made half a lasagna on top of the lasagna. The recipe assures that the pre-cooked lasagna can rise above the edge of the pan, because it settles quite a bit while cooking. I was apprehensive, but they have a picture with two whole noodle layers towering over the edge. 

But no. It still bubbled over, and it was still the tallest, deepest, heaviest lasagna. 

Other ways I altered the recipe: well... I used hot Italian sausage instead of mild. I also didn't have much spice on hand, but the seasoning from the sausages permeated through the lasagna very nicely. I just love the word lasagna, don't you? Lasagna, lasagna, lasagna. 

And: there was some packing up and moving back to Ontario to do. Some things to leave behind. Like my lovely little coffee plant, and a pennant from the magazine project (I was going to bring it with me until the E fell off, and then I figured by the time I got home it would probably just be a brown triangle. i.e. clutter).

And books! Most had to be left behind for weight considerations. I feel like there's a pro-Ebook argument to made here, but I wouldn't have been sentimental about these books in the first place if they'd been electronic. Aww, remember that one on the right? That's the book with nothing in it that I was so excited about. I feel guilty about every one of these books. Except maybe for the Editing Canadian English, which I have only used a) to ventilate my old laptop and keep it from overheating and b) as part of my Mennonite halloween costume because it looks the most like a bible out of all my books.

Fortunately, I sent a couple of things on ahead, like this Super Mutant Magic Academy poster that I just had to have.

In other news, I'm enjoying my mom's house (and company!) so much that I've decided to commute to Toronto for my internship. Or at least give it a try. If it drives me insane I'll find a place to live, but with the way I feel right now I really wouldn't mind having a few hours every day to sit and read or write or think or sleep or whatever. I was brought up on road trips, and 401 traffic has an oddly calming effect on me, as long as I'm not driving (but even then). Without homework to stay behind or rush home for, it feels like there are six more hours in the day.

The only problem now is GETTING the internship. What happened and why don't I have one yet? Oh I don't feel like getting into that. Just wish me luck.

Easter Weekend

Hey look, I brought my camera to school on a NICE day. I don't know if I'm just spoiled, or if the mountains just don't look as impressive in pictures. 

The magazine project is coming together nicely. Well, stressfully.

My saturday is being spent researching the next bit. Stressfully. And yes, I'm multitasking and looking up recipes at the same time. I just noticed how few of my magazines actually HAVE inserts! 

In other news, I made scones for the first time in many months. They're pretty crumbly.

For Easter Monday brunch: Katie's bacon lasagna! It looks like a lot of bacon.

I did Lent again this year, or at least my version of it. I had a much more thought-out explanation last year, and fewer people to explain it to, so I feel like I was sheepish and lame about it. Something to do with making and honouring a commitment to myself, in practice for life or something. To know that, in a non-serious way, if the zombie apocalypse happens I can do without my favourite luxuries, and that, in a serious way, if things do fall apart I can hold fast to something that I'll always have. I can stand by statements that might make things unpleasant, and might not make sense. I know that I can keep the promises I make. I'm just strengthening my bond to myself rather than to a deity, and I choose to do this during Lent for the same reason that I give people gifts at Christmas (I dunno, 'tis the season?). Also, Easter is boring, and Lent makes me look forward to it much more.

So, I gave up pasta. And to be honest it's one of the few things that have held the last six weeks together. I know I can rely on myself, and that makes it all the more difficult to try and... well, if I may be vaguely specific, to give someone the opportunity to share the load, even when that may be the only way they can redeem themselves.

In short, the Easter pie is going to be late this year. If it happens. A promise I made to myself (that I know I can keep) is never to make it again, if I have to make it alone.

Solidarity: It's Always There.

Two things for now, more things for later.

First, I noticed while reading Downton Abbey Cooks that yes, locking your food in the oven happens to the best of us.

Second, the results are in for the "contest" I ran a few weeks ago. Bronwyn wins! But it won't be ready as early as I'd promised, because I realized that I still have a bunch of brown fabric left over from the Hot Beartatos at home, with which I've yet to do anything. But the good news is, I'm going back there in 42 days!

Oh, and I have an internship! Working at Livres Canada Books, helping Canadian publishers with international marketing endeavours. Sounds pretty schmancy, but I'm sure I'll just spend the whole summer writing catalogue copy. On the other hand, this is probably the best way to find out what's needed for going beyond the domestic market as a little start-up publisher. So it's pretty fantastic.

Things are... better than two weeks ago. That is for sure. I guess I just know some wonderful people :)

Rough Week

I found out this week that the old man has snuggled his last. I wish I could find the one poem I wrote about him, but let me just say it was about one of those many moments that were too perfect to share with anyone else. We were a team, him and I. I'll miss him terribly.

In other news, I've finally set it up so I can watch The 4400 while doing homework. She's a small one, but she does the trick. I'm so proud of this laptop. It's such a sport. I almost named it Tugboat, but knew it would be Tug for short, and thought maybe that wasn't an appropriate name for a laptop... Maybe I'll stop anthropomorphizing things and just get a new dog.

To cheer me up though, in a karma sort of way, Katie's package arrived this week! More on that later, but I was most amused by this addition. Sure the little figurine is Dutch. It says 'Holland' right there! I even have one in my house. But this one? Straight from Iran.

As a last point, my wine is on its last legs, but that just removes all guilt for drinking it on a Tuesday night. It IS Tuesday today, right?

So What Have YOU Been Doing Lately?!

Probably something big and important. But so have I!

 Ooo, hey, this is KIND OF a big deal! Look how big that projection is!

One of the most stressful nights of my career spent on this and the printing is backwards. On the other hand, the specially commissioned photography is a smash hit! At least with me.

ArtShare! Not originally my idea, but I voted for it over my own contributions at the beginning. Then Got tired of it and passed it off (nothing against the title, but I was working on two at the time, and looking up art galleries gets tedious). Jelena did some amazing things with it, and it looks real swanky.

I want to read this book. At least I know how it ends, kind of. The best part? When a panelist said they were dissatisfied with the cover design because it looked like a D&M cover. Our reaction: "It looks like a D&M cover!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Of all four titles, this was my baby. I'd like to say I designed this, but it was a real D&M person. I found the black splat, and I chose the font. Oh, and the back cover, which you can't see here, was all me. Again, copyright issues.

The final design for Twitterverse. Deemed the most "do-able" title, this might become a real thing one day, and well isn't that something? The little book that could. If we could actually get the CBC community blog in on this, oh momma (I've been watching a LOT of Frasier, I do warn you)

Our lovely presentation materials. Particularly lovely is Lee's catalogue design which, although 'spooky,' is an Emily Carroll original. And it's the fall season anyway! But really, I've worked on catalogues before, and the panel was right to say it looked as professional as can be.

An example of the postcards for Twitterverse. I wish I had taken all of the extras and used them as Christmas cards.

My point is: I haven't been doing a whole lot of anything, other than school. But that's been quite a bit of work, and a lot of stress, and I'm sure I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around. But for three glorious weeks, I don't have anything to do but finish Willie's quilt and hear about your lives. Making the usual trips across southern Ontario in snowstorms, hoping not to get into any accidents. And if I DO, let's let it be like the one many years ago, where I calmly swerved away from oncoming traffic into a soft snowbank that couldn't have damaged the car if it tried. We were stuck, sure, but within ten minutes a kind gentleman in a pickup truck stopped and offered to tow us out if only we had some rope. With low hopes, I opened the trunk to find nothing but coils and coils of rope.

A story I tell every Christmas, but still... the thankfulness never dies. So go get your Christmas tree, and leave the rope in the trunk. You never know when you'll need it. 

Good Week for Gifts

 Last week was great for generous industry guests and relatives. First, Robert McCullough came by to talk about Appetite, and brought along enough free copies for everyone. Wanted Smitten Kitchen, but so did the three people who got to the from of the room before I did. Epicurious is just fine too.

 Lara Smith from D&M came by to talk about production editing, and brought enough dummies that I took home the fanciest one. Maybe I should have left it in case the dimensions matched someone else's project, but I have never been so excited to have a book with nothing in it.

 I'm trying to decide whether I should get everyone to write in it or I should keep it pristine forever. Tough call.

More importantly, a lovely card from one of my two favourite brothers, with something special inside that allows me to do just what the card says!

 And last but not least, a wonderfully meta Canadian magazine.

So of course this calls for a present to myself: on personal recommendation from the gents at the Harbour Centre BCLiquor, where maybe I'm becoming too much of a regular customer.

The Forgotten

I brought my camera to school. I have been meaning to do this because the lounge has a fantastic view of the mountains, BUT:

 It was raining.

I also brought it to photograph the knit-up we had, but forgot. Because it's me, and I forget everything. Like that time when I had work in Cambridge until 11pm and interning in Hamilton (an hour's drive away) the next morning at 9:30 am, and drove up after work only to realize as I got out of the car that I'd forgotten everything. Willie drove me back to work because he's nice. And how many times have I reached my destination only to notice that I've left my purse at home? Many. Oh, and a few times I drove away and only noticed while waiting for a red light that I wasn't wearing shoes.

And another thing I never noticed before, maybe there's another inspiration for these quilt colours...

And finally, the best thing to come out of the MPub program so far: a free Death Star Moleskine. The Death Star is on the inside. And has "SAMPLE" written all over it.

It's supposed to keep raining for the the next two weeks. So I guess everything people say about Vancouver is true.

Knitting Detail

 Knitting photos are hard. But I tried, which is the important thing. This is my new neckwarmer in the making. I have, of course, begun a new knitting project, as I do, so I've had to opt into wearing my ornate Indian shawl as a scarf for the last few days. It's pretty and I love using it, but my clumsiness with caffeinated beverages has made me nervous about having and using nice things. In any case! I started this neckwarmer as I usually do, which is to cast on whatever looks right and to continue without any sort of written pattern. I don't know how many stitches there are, but for this you need to cast on a multiple of four. So I began, and I got bored, and decided to make it ribbed: knitting four and purling four. That also got boring quickly, even with the addition of the light green, so I decided to switch the ribs up a bit. Looks like technical fabric or whatever you call it. 

 But it's still super easy, and I knit it when I get tired of following the crazy pattern I'm doing for my other project. All you need is a double pointed needle. Knit two, then slip the next two knit stitches onto the double pointed needle.

 Now ignore the double pointed needle and purl two.

Slip the next two purl stitches onto your double pointed needle. Ignore it and knit two, then purl the stitches on your double pointed needle. Continue in this vein all along the row. Once finished, you can continue knitting four and purling four for a few rows before getting your DPN out again. Should look like this, eventually:

Thinking about this too much just makes me want to do different things with it, like making subtly obscene little openings, or making the exes cross or naughty things like that.

So instead I'll think about pumpkins like I did for much of management class, and about my future as a legislative assembly transcription editor.

In all honesty though, I'm getting feelings about the possibilities of visual aesthetics in literary publications that I just can't ignore. I wish I'd been able to pay more attention to the guest speaker (Haig Armen) last week about interaction design, but alas. Life and other homework, huh? But really, this thinking as well as the new Wrinkle in Time graphic novel that's out are making my mind buzz, and I realize that as much as I was brought up to (appear to) think that graphic novels were inferior, I loves me some fantastic illustration. I know everyone probably does, but I just can't stress enough how important the visual experience of a story can be. So I have three branches that I would love to follow from this degree: the first is Taschen, which started out as a comic book shop and is now, of course, well known for its prolific output of art books and other such things. Plus they're based in Cologne which would be super convenient for me. Second, I'd absolutely love to go to Drawn & Quarterly, because holy heck how awesome would that be?! And third, maybe I'll just go into cookbooks and crafting magazine editorial. But that's so 'me' that it's boring, you know?

I keep thinking that these sorts of places should be reserved for the more design-minded folks, but my fumbling technological skills are all that are holding me back. I did do some of the preliminary work on David Collier's book of Hamilton-themed drawings. I don't even know what the official title or release date is though. And I probably would feel more a part of it if I hadn't been going into W&W only once a week by that point. Ah, well. I think it's time for some wine. Yes.